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Chapter 5 It’s Okay to Cry, Grieve, Swear, Scream, Rant, Laugh, Learn, Love, and Makes Lots
of Lemonade Along the Way

Oh, Pachelbel

It has taken years for me to be able to hear the sweet, strong opening strains of Pachelbel’s Canon D and not dissolve into tears. Granted, the melody is lovely,
but for me it is bittersweet as well.

In the NICU at Eastern Maine Medical Center, Pachelbel was played frequently throughout the day and night for the babies. The effect of the music was clearly evident. Heart rates would gradually drop, monitors would cease their
screaming, and the babies would settle in their isolettes. Evan was no exception.

When we finally got home with Evan, his “Auntie Melissa” had a copy of Pachelbel waiting for him. Because Evan loved the soothing music, I played it for him
despite my tears. Many days and nights during his early infanthood were spent in the rocking chair, with the music playing around the clock. During Evan’s various medical crises, I’ve heard the opening strains of that melody. There wouldn’t be a radio or CD playing within earshot; the music would be playing in my head.

As time has gone by and Evan has weathered his many illnesses remarkable well and made some progress in many areas, we still listen to Pachelbel. But its effect has changed. Instead of an overwhelming sense of grief and despair, I am filled with a sense of hope for the future, and take comfort in knowing the soothing, calming influence it has on Evan.